Author: Xie Linghui M.ED, LPCA, psychotherapist intern, supervised by Lin Lüninghua LPCS
As parents, we often face a common challenge, which is our children's reluctance to go to school. Whether it is a young child or a teenager who has entered junior high school or high school, many times they are unable to clearly express why they are averse to school, which makes us as parents feel helpless and anxious. We want to help our children, but often we don't know how or where to start. In fact, this is not a simple question, because the reasons why children are reluctant to go to school may come from various aspects, such as social pressure, emotional problems, or even conflicts or bullying within the school.
In this post, I will share some of the experiences and strategies that some parents have used when dealing with their children’s reluctance to go to school, and hopefully help other parents better understand their children’s needs and find appropriate solutions.
1. Create a safe environment for children to express themselves
First of all, when faced with the situation where children do not want to go to school, we need to fundamentally create a safe environment so that children can open up and be willing to share their feelings and troubles with us. Some children may choose to keep quiet or even ignore their emotional needs for fear of being blamed or criticized by their parents. However, this doesn’t mean they don’t want to seek help, they just may not be able to express it in words.
Therefore, as parents, we should try our best to make our children feel that we are their supporters rather than judges. We need to create a non-threatening environment where children know that no matter how difficult or challenging the issues they face, we understand and support them. For example, establish daily communication opportunities with your children, perhaps a chat time after dinner or some light conversation before bed. In these moments, we should let our children know that no matter what difficulties they encounter, we are always by their side and are willing to face the problems together.
2. Develop a stable routine to reduce anxiety
There are many reasons why children may not want to go to school, one of which may be related to their daily routine. When children don’t have a regular routine and a lack of stability, they are likely to feel anxious, which can further affect their attitude towards school. Therefore, we need to help children establish a stable life pattern to reduce their anxiety.
For example, a fixed schedule can keep children's biological clocks on track, which can help improve their emotional state. Every morning you can arrange daily tasks such as eating breakfast, packing school bags, brushing teeth and washing face. These routines will help children feel order and control. In addition, good sleep quality is also important for children's psychological and physical development. Parents can help their children make sure they get enough sleep each day and avoid letting their children become overly excited or anxious at night, which can help them stay alert and energetic, thereby improving their ability to adapt to school.
3. Help children develop a sense of responsibility and self-confidence
When children face various challenges in school life, we as parents need to give them enough trust and support. By building a sense of responsibility, children can not only improve their self-confidence, but also be responsible for their own behavior and academic achievements, so that they will be more motivated to face the various challenges of school.
Parents can start with small tasks to help children learn to manage themselves. This is not just academic responsibility, but also includes small things in life, such as packing your own school bag, preparing tomorrow's textbooks, or even helping with housework at home. These small responsibilities can make children feel in control of their lives and gain a sense of accomplishment and self-confidence. As children grow older, they will gradually learn to better face the various challenges of school and dare to take on more responsibilities.
4. Dealing with relationship problems in school
Some children may be reluctant to go to school because they are bullied at school or have problems with their classmates. These problems are often difficult to detect on the surface because children may not be willing to discuss these difficulties with their parents. However, this kind of interpersonal conflict has a huge negative impact on both academic and emotional development, and parents need to discover and resolve these problems in a timely manner.
When a child shows signs of being unwilling to go to school, we should first patiently ask the child whether he or she has encountered any unpleasant incidents with classmates. If children are willing to open up, we should listen to their feelings and help them sort out the root of the problem. Afterwards, we can consider communicating with teachers or counselors at school to seek professional advice and support. Schools should be able to provide some solutions, such as coordinating the relationship between children and classmates, or helping children improve their interpersonal skills, to help children overcome these difficulties.
5. Leverage professional resources to provide emotional support
Sometimes, children’s emotional problems cannot be solved solely within the family, and we need to seek help from external professional resources. Psychological counseling and emotional support can be very important for children, especially when they are facing more complex emotions or psychological problems. Professional psychotherapists can help them better understand their feelings and learn how to deal with emotional distress.
If a child experiences serious emotional problems at school, we should actively contact the school's psychological counselor or seek help from external professional psychology organizations. These professionals can help children out of difficult situations through psychological assessments and one-on-one counseling.
6. Working closely with schools to support children
Collaboration between parents and schools is essential for children's learning and emotional support. We need to keep in close contact with school teachers to understand how children are performing in school and work together to develop appropriate learning plans and emotional support strategies for them. When children encounter difficulties in school, parents should actively communicate with the school and provide necessary information so that the school can intervene and provide help in a timely manner.
For example, when children face academic pressure at school, parents can work with teachers to get their children more tutoring or support, and help their children arrange their study time reasonably and reduce excessive stress. In addition, parents should find out whether the school has psychological counseling resources and work with the school to ensure their children receive emotional support.
7. Give your child enough patience and time
Most importantly, as parents, we must understand that children’s emotional and learning problems take time to resolve. Solving these problems will not be a one-time process, and it requires us to give our children enough patience and understanding. No matter how complicated a child’s problems are, we should firmly believe that through the joint efforts of parents, schools and professionals, the child will eventually be able to overcome these difficulties and grow into a more confident and positive person.
A child’s growth path is full of challenges and twists and turns, but this is also part of their growth. As parents, our responsibility is to provide understanding, support and love to help our children find a learning and lifestyle that suits them. As long as we walk with our children unwaveringly, they will be able to overcome difficulties and embrace a better future.