five love languages

Mona Lam

I stumbled across a treasured book, The Five Love Languages, as a reward from my oldest child, Holland.

I have a little impression of this book in the past, because the title is easy to remember and easy to understand.In the church, a deacon and a group leader once introduced this book, but there was no great motivation to buy it and study it.After the child gave it to me, I started to study hard.The book was originally a couples edition only, and later a children and youth edition and a couples edition.I purchased the entire series because this book would help me serve in family ministry in the church, and now I have all the editions.These four editions are written from different perspectives and seem to be different. In fact, the relationship in the book revolves around intimate couples and the relationship between husband and wife and children in the family.The love language I speak today is based on actual action.

The Five Love Languages ​​first introduces:

1) Words of affirmation

2) Careful moments

3) Loving service

4) Gifts given

5) Physical contact.

Affirmative words:

In American society, many parents like to praise their children for "Good job". What about Good Job?Do parents also know?While Oriental parents are less likely to use words to praise their children, maybe, they think it's right to do well.These two attitudes of overreach often confuse children; they can't understand why teachers at school and parents at home have vastly different evaluations of them!

What are affirmative words? Don't just say: "Good job", "you did a wonderful job", "Well done", "You did a great job" these general words, and don't just compliment your appearance (like beautiful , beautiful, lovely, handsome...).If we need to say a word of affirmation, it is better to start by praising his/her inner character.For example: painting (compliment from levels, colors and collocations, composition, order, attentiveness, meticulousness, and meticulousness, etc.); exercise (regular exercise, tacit understanding, conscientiousness, effort, etc.); reading and homework (patient, diligent, etc.) , careful, hard work, good timing) and so on.

Careful moments:

Why do we see more negative news reports and articles in the media and newspapers?A lot of people are hurt emotionally and verbally, and a lot of people don't feel loved?Because they hadn't thought about taking good moments to treat each other.Many times, a family will get used to arranging that we should eat together!Do something together!But that didn't make it a fine moment.Maybe, I'd rather everyone go out for a little ice-cream, have afternoon tea or talk with the dog, play bowling, biking, play board game, and spend some quality time together.Some people think that shopping at the supermarket may not be considered a good time. In fact, it is not. If two couples choose food, they should consider each other's needs and evaluate each other's preferences, habits and tastes to choose suitable food Thinking from a different perspective: buy vegetables for your wife, buy staple food, shrimp, lamb chops for your husband...), cook together after returning home, and enjoy a good meal time together.Careful moments for kids are like: it might just require you to do crafts, read a book, or even watch a ball game with them…

Service Action:

Feel each other's needs with love and show mutual concern with actions.It is common in the home to give unilaterally and ignore the other.My wife is at home, busy with cleaning, cleaning the front and back yard, grocery shopping, cooking, and taking care of the children. When the children are not feeling well, she always fails to sleep.She worked as a head nurse, nutritionist, teacher, accountant, buyer and servant at home, helping children deal with all kinds of problems in life and schoolwork.If the husband comes back, he says to his wife with a black face: "How did you teach your children!" Do you think this kind of talk will bring harmony or chaos to the family? Is there any "who" doesn't want others to give encouragement and support?Therefore, if you want the family to grow up healthily, everyone must give their sincerity to each other and think of the whole family.

Think about it: the wife has been at home all day, doing various things constantly, do you consider giving the wife a vacation too?

Ask: What do you think I have an arrangement?

If the husband has time to praise his wife a few words, the wife will surely obey you and love you with all her heart.If every couple is as polite as a friend sometimes, I believe that a happy marriage begins in your home.The actions of the service also include: washing dishes, washing clothes, washing the car, putting away new and unused things to give away, vacuuming, mowing the lawn, cleaning the house, taking out the garbage, washing the toilet… .

*On the contrary: A hard-working husband returns home, and the act of service he expects to receive is a cup of fragrant tea, soft talk, and even water to prepare a bath.

Gifts given:

Consider the needs of the other party first. Don't think that only flowers, rings, and expensive gifts can satisfy your wife's needs.When you offer her a box of chocolates, a box of cookies or snacks that she likes with sincerity, she will naturally be happy and accept it.Perhaps, some wives only need a pot, a spatula, a scouring pad.... The husband must never give her some inappropriate things, which is equivalent to a waste.Maybe the husband asks beforehand and she'll be happy to give you a hint.

Suitable gifts include: a beautiful bookmark, an interesting music box, a frame of memorabilia..., if you are willing to put in a little thought, the other party will definitely feel the heart behind the gift you send.

Physical Contact: 

Does physical contact simply mean hugging?In fact, there are more than just a few, there are many aspects of our lives that can have meaningful physical contact.For example, we guessed the boxing, danced, helped others to get in and out of the car..., when the husband and children were tired from using the computer for a long time, the mother gave them a massage, and when the children were sick, they patted their backs.Some teens have pimples on their faces, and you'd love to put some healthy face masks on them.You can also clean ears, fix hair, beards and eyebrows for your family.Every thoughtful physical touch is a tender and considerate thought.

Do not: Do not hit the child with your hands or fists. This kind of physical contact is an injury that the child will never forget for life.

I hope that these five love languages ​​can work in your family, you can choose one, or increase to two or three to share with your family.In fact, everyone needs love, maybe you need not just one love language, but two or three love languages, and this wonderful book "Five Love Languages" is also circulating in every reader's home!