How to comfort someone who is grieving

Lin Lvninghua

When our society has gone through the epidemic of the new crown virus for more than two years, more than one million people have lost their lives due to the new crown virus in the United States alone.We can imagine that there are a million families in America still mourning the loss of a family member.When drug treatment and vaccines have brought us new hope, as society begins to recover, we are greeted by the shootings of Taiwanese churches in Buffalo, New York and Irvine, Los Angeles.We know that more families have been shaken, beaten, and deeply saddened.This is a grieving generation, and our relatives, friends, and colleagues around us may fall into mourning because of the loss of a loved one directly or indirectly.How should we comfort them and help them?Is this the question you are looking for an answer to?

What are the symptoms of sadness?

Grief and depression often seem similar to symptoms, but they are not actually depression.However, if sadness is not channeled or expressed in a timely manner, it may lead to depressive symptoms.Let's talk about the symptoms of grief.

The following symptoms of missing our lost love are very normal grief reactions:


1. I miss my relatives who have left day and night, and I don't think about tea and rice, and I can't sleep at night.

2. Depressed spirit, depressed mood, disinterested in everything, lack of motivation, sometimes even life is better than death.

3. Continuous tears, sometimes become numb, want to cry without tears.

4. Cardiac angina, inability to concentrate.

5. Physically tired, weak in limbs, not wanting to be in contact with the outside world, withdrawing and escaping from reality.

6. Indigestion, weight loss, avoidance of noise or crowds.

emotional performance :

1. Negative, unable to accept the fact that relatives and friends have passed away.

2. Shock and anger, especially when death comes suddenly, completely unprepared.

3. Helpless and lonely, lost a part of their identity when they lost a loved one.With the passing of our loved ones, we lost some friends and relatives and felt alone and helpless.

4. Guilt and self-blame, blaming oneself for not taking good care of or neglecting a deceased relative.Even feel responsible for the death of a loved one.

5. Cognitive aspects: in a trance, lost soul, easy to forget details or what happened.

6. Have fantasies, hallucinations, and feel that your loved ones are around.

7. Suicidal thoughts arise because of the desire to be with loved ones.

All of the above are natural and normal responses to grief, and we must accept these responses rather than forbid or try to change them with exhortation when helping relatives and friends who are grieving.The most important thing is to listen uncritically.Keep listening.

When helping a grieving relative or friend, we need to stop asking the other person to get better soon.We often hear that time is the best doctor, and everyone experiences and emerges from grief differently and at different times.The Bible says, "Love is patient." It takes a lot of patience to listen to their grief and mourning over and over again in the process of being with us.We cannot ask them to return to normal life behaviors in the short term.

Don't shy away from mentioning dead relatives and friends

Chinese culture taboos death.Therefore, there are local customs and even those who have funerals in their homes cannot visit others for XNUMX days.No doubt it makes the mourners more isolated.We also avoid mentioning deceased loved ones because we are afraid that those who grieve will not be able to extricate themselves from grief.In fact, when comforting our relatives and friends, they want us to remember their loved ones with them.They need to feel the presence of their loved ones in the memory of their past, and to reminisce about the deeply loving relationship they had.I remember my relatives invited me to dinner just after my father passed.There was absolutely no mention of my father's past in the feast.Everyone talks as if nothing happened.It was an unforgettable tasteless dinner, and it was very emotionally traumatic.After all, my father just passed away. It was a very sad and sad moment in my life. What I need is not the nutrition of a meal. I hope that the people around me will see and agree with my grief and give me a chance to tell them about my grief. I miss my dad.So when comforting a grieving person, we need not be afraid to bring up a lost loved one.The other party should be given the opportunity to tell us about the Lost Seals left on his life by the influence of his lost relatives in this world.This is a great gift and respect for relatives and friends in grief.

The famous Stanford psychiatrist, Dr. Dave Burns, once said,

"To be effective in helping the grieving person, all you need to do is listen, listen and listen." What grieving people need is our understanding. They cannot stop their grief by will, nor can they shorten the grief time by effort.

In addition, the mourners also need our company in different forms and life, especially on special festivals, birthdays of the deceased and death days, so that they will not feel lonely and slowly turn their attention to the reconstruction of self and family life.But don't force it if the mourner isn't ready or needs alone time.

Finally, in caring for the grieving people around us, we must not forget to take care of ourselves and balance the needs of our lives and our families.We cannot transfer the grief of others to ourselves.We accompany them, pray for them, listen to them, let them slowly and freely walk out of the valley of sorrow, find a new meaning in life in the sorrow, regain strength in God, and continue the journey of life.May our listening and companionship enable this grieving generation to experience Christ's love and eternal hope.