Author: Dr. Lin Cai Yaqing
Recently accepted Fox News In an exclusive interview, child psychiatrist Tina Cai Lam, MD, shared her professional perspective on children's back-to-school anxiety. This article, with Dr. Lam's permission, is collated and translated for the benefit of our readers.
Compiled and translated by Lin Lü Ninghua
The start of a new school year presents a new challenge for many children and parents. For some, the start of school brings anticipation, the prospect of seeing friends and learning new things. However, for others, the start of school can bring significant tension and even anxiety. Many parents often ask: Is my child's anxiety just "normal nervousness"? Or has it reached a level that requires professional assistance? How should we support our children through this transition?
This article summarizes the professional interviews and suggestions of Dr. Lin Cai Yaqing, a pediatric psychiatrist at Kaiser Permanente, to help parents better understand and support their children and face the anxiety of going to school together.
1. Understand your child’s emotions: Invite them to express them
Dr. Lin points out that children often experience a roller coaster of emotions before the start of school. Some can't wait to return to school, while others are so nervous they experience stomachaches, insomnia, and even a reluctance to go. The first step parents can take is to invite their children to share their feelings.
Parents can use open-ended questions to guide children to express their inner thoughts, such as:
• “What are you most looking forward to about starting school?”
• “Is there anything that makes you feel a little worried?”
• “Which classmate do you want to meet first?”
Through these specific questions, children are more likely to express their concerns. The source of their anxiety might be a subject, a teacher, or even a classmate they don't know. When parents understand the specific source of their anxiety, they can better guide their children's care.
2. Normal Anxiety and Warning Signs to Pay Attention to
Normal adaptation period
Dr. Lin emphasized that it is completely normal to feel anxious during the first two weeks. It takes time to adjust to a new environment, new teachers, and new classmates.
Conditions requiring attention
However, if a child's anxiety persists for more than a few weeks or is so severe that it interferes with their daily life, it warrants special attention. For example:
• Physical symptoms: Often complain of stomachache and headache at school, but the symptoms get better as soon as he gets home.
• Sleep problems: Unable to fall asleep and tossing and turning the night before.
• Emotional distress: Strongly resisting school, crying or appearing extremely upset every day.
These situations mean that the anxiety has exceeded the child's ability to bear on his or her own, and parents should consider seeking help from the school or professionals.
3. Seeking Help: School and Community Resources
If your child's anxiety is too intense, parents don't have to bear the stress alone. Most schools have counselors, therapists, or other resources available to provide immediate support.
If the school does not have enough professional staff, parents can also seek professional help early from child psychotherapists, psychiatrists or family doctors in the community. This can help children avoid worsening anxiety and develop healthier coping methods.
4. Language to comfort children: Acknowledgement and companionship
When dealing with anxious children, the most important thing parents need to remember is not to invalidate their feelings. For example, saying things like, "There's nothing to be afraid of," "Don't overthink it," or "Stop crying"—though well-intentioned—can make children feel ignored or misunderstood.
A better way is:
• Acknowledge your emotions: "I know you're a little nervous. That's normal. Many children feel that way before school starts."
• Connect with past experiences: "Remember when school started last year, you were a little nervous too? But then you made friends and had so many fun experiences."
• Reminder: “You’ve overcome challenges before, and I believe you can do it this time too.”
Such language can make children feel supported and trusted, while also helping them recall that they have successfully overcome difficulties in the past and build up their confidence that "I can do it."
5. How to talk to your children about school life?
Younger children are often eager to share what's going on at school, but with older children, parents may encounter another common challenge: children responding with "okay" or "nothing," leaving parents scratching their heads.
Dr. Lin recommends:
1. Let your child lead the conversation
Avoid asking children for details when they are tired after school. Wait for a time when they are more relaxed, such as after dinner or before bed, and give them the opportunity to speak on their own.
2. Avoid interrogative questions
Instead of asking questions like “How was your day?” or “What did you do?” which often lead to short answers, ask:
• “Did anything interesting happen today?”
• “Is there anything that you find a bit challenging?”
• “If you had to give today a score, what would it be?”
3. If the child is still reluctant to speak
Parents can learn more about their children’s situation through contact with teachers. After all, teachers spend hours with children every day and can provide first-hand observations.
6. Parents’ emotions: Taking care of yourself is also a form of companionship
Children experience anxiety as they adjust to a new school term, and parents experience the same emotions. For some parents, sending their children back to school represents a change of pace and can stir up worries and anxieties.
Dr. Lin reminds: Parents also need to allow themselves to have emotions and find ways to adjust.
• Self-care: Give yourself time to do things you enjoy, like taking a walk, exercising, meditating, or journaling.
• Seek support: Talk to parents with similar experiences, especially those whose children are older than yours. Their experiences can bring reassurance and confidence.
• Build community: Find friends or neighbors you can share with and feel less lonely.
If parents can stabilize their own emotions first, they will be able to accompany their children with a calm attitude.
7. The most important role of parents: unconditional support
Finally, Dr. Lin emphasized that no matter what children are going through, the most important thing is for them to know that their parents are always on their side.
Even if a child's anxiety doesn't disappear immediately, their parents' acceptance and support can be their most powerful source of security. This trust can often help children overcome difficulties better than any specific advice.
8. Summary
Parents don't need to be overly concerned about their children's school anxiety, but they shouldn't take it lightly. By understanding their emotions, identifying warning signs, seeking help, and providing support, children can gradually build confidence and learn to face challenges in a safe environment.
The new semester isn't just a test for children; it's also a learning journey for parents. When parents are willing to walk alongside their children and let them know they're not alone, they'll find more courage to embark on school life.
Key review:
• Normal tension will occur in the first two weeks. If it lasts for several weeks and affects your life, you need to pay attention.
• Allow children to express specific concerns and avoid invalidating their feelings.
• Use supportive language to help your child recall past successes.
• Conversations with children should be led by the children and avoid excessive questioning.
• Parents should also take care of their own emotions and build a support system.
• Most importantly, let your children know that no matter what, they will always have their backs.