i want to live

Speaker: Lin Lu Ninghua, Director of Houston Horn Sound Counseling Center, Texas Registered Psychological Counseling Therapist and Supervisor 

Arrangement: Lin Meijun 

Feedback from an excerpt from the online suicide prevention seminar "I Want to Live" hosted by the Dallas Horn Community Center on January 1 

When more and more news of family members and relatives and friends committing suicide comes from people we know around us, even relatives and friends, we can't help but deplore it.It would be great if these precious lives could be saved immediately and the endless pain of family members could be avoided!So I walked into the suicide prevention lecture with a heavy and hopeful heart.The lecturer, Ms. Lin Lu Ninghua, an experienced psychotherapist, brought a series of powerful data and information about the psychological counseling profession. 

The lecture surprised me: suicide is the most dangerous epidemic!I didn't expect it when I was panicked by the epidemic.And various statistical reports are even more frightening: 80 people die by suicide every year in the world, and one person commits suicide every 40 seconds.Suicide is the second leading cause of death among young adults, with one in four young adults considering suicide and one in XNUMX high school students attempting suicide.The most dangerous situation among these suicides is to pretend that everything is normal on the outside, but hide the inner struggle, and finally commit suicide.This is how the psychologist's daughter died, and the grieving mum hopes this tragedy doesn't happen to any family again. 

The speaker once interviewed the mother of a suicide. She described that her son was still an optimistic boy in junior high school, but because of his unsatisfactory grades in school, he could not bear the pressure, which made the young man go to a dead end and end his own life. life. 

 Another college student committed suicide because 

He borrowed a large sum of money from the bank with a credit card, but was unable to repay it, and finally chose to commit suicide.His father was so heartbroken that he tried his best to prevent college students from applying for credit cards so easily that other college students would not repeat the same mistakes. The father was really well-intentioned.  

During the lecture, the lecturer helps us 

How can we detect in advance that others have suicidal tendencies and prevent them? 

1. Understand why suicidal people commit suicide. 

Studies have found that there are many reasons why people choose to commit suicide, feeling the pain of illness, helplessness, depression is one of them, sudden death of a loved one, high debt, loneliness, unemployment, divorce, drug abuse, and drug side effects, etc. , will make people commit suicide, and the new crown epidemic has also increased the rate of suicide. 

Another study, talking about suicide, because of the broken family, also dragged his own children out of this world with him.A psychologist mentioned the psychology of those who commit suicide. They don't want to stay in the brokenness of their lives. They describe that people who consider suicide carry too much pain in their hearts. Their hearts seem to be trapped in a burning house. Avoiding pain and thinking that the only way out is to jump out of the fire, which leads to a suicidal act of regret. 

Many times we don’t pay much attention to our family members’ psychological conditions or emotions. Family members have divorce or emotional problems, they are ignored or even not understood. We are old and widowed, and our relatives die suddenly (especially during the new crown epidemic). We need to pay more attention and Care about those around you. 

2. The attitude of the caregiver: 

a) Understand the needs and psychological state of suicidal people: They feel lonely and lonely, so we need to help them find suitable fellowship and support groups that will make them feel at home. 

b) Understand the pain and circumstances they are going through: Understand each other with sincerity and empathy. 

c) Do not have the attitude of the judge: The attitude of the judge can lead to resistance and unhappiness. 

d) Be genuinely loving and caring: listen attentively, build relationships, and make them feel loved and cared. 

A care and concern can save a life. One day, the speaker brother wanted to visit a sister because she was depressed knowing that she was separated from her boyfriend.When she opened the door, her eyes were still full of tears, and she told him frankly: If you arrive half an hour late, I may have cut my wrists and committed suicide.Fortunately, your presence has put me off the idea of ​​committing suicide.If we are moved by the Holy Spirit, some care and love may prevent others from giving up their lives. 

When parents feel hopeless, we help them see their children's needs and how important it is for them to survive. 

 3. Helping people with suicidal intentions needs to pay attention to the following situations. 

a) Pay attention to the time and frequency of the help signal: 

The will to die is often talked about, and there is often a sense of powerlessness, despair, no love for life, etc., alcohol addiction, etc. 

 Pay attention to those who are ready to commit suicide, will choose to send a message first 

To a friend, or to someone easily describe "I want to lie down, I don't want to wake up again" 

"My life is meaningless" 

"I don't have a lot of energy, and I get into depression a lot of the time." 

There was a college student who once walked to the high-rise buildings of the school and kept wandering. He had thoughts of suicide and sent out a signal for help, but no one noticed, cared and comforted him, so he fell off the building and died.We need to pay attention to whether the people around us send out such messages of help. 

b) Be aware of any of the following behaviors and changes: 

Buy medicine, buy a gun, write a will, say goodbye to relatives and friends, buy insurance for your family, give something you love to someone, or suddenly feel relieved because you have already thought of a solution to the pain.These suicide action plans, and the detailed arrangements, are all warning signs. 

When strong suicidal tendencies are observed, they are sometimes taken to hospital because mental hospitals and drugs are good for them. 

 c) Changes in mood: 40% -70% of people with suicidal tendencies have depression and should receive treatment as soon as possible.If revenge is on the rise, the suicidal person wants to let the result of the suicide force someone to feel guilty.If you talk to them they are always angry and full of anger, it is possible that they will not only kill themselves but also endanger other people. 

 d) Pray for them and make a contract: 

Tell them that you will pray for them and have them sign a security contract, promising you: they will pray and ask if God can end their lives?And when there is a need, I will call you, there are no dangerous drugs in the house, all knives and guns must be put away, and they must participate in meaningful activities, otherwise they will be sent to the hospital. 

In caring for someone who is suicidal, we panic and don't know how to open the conversation.Don’t worry too much, as long as you care with gentleness and empathy, listen calmly and patiently, pay full attention, don’t interrupt, don’t preach, don’t judge, don’t talk about your victory experience, let him feel comfortable and willing to tell his own. In the inner world, we can understand him and pray for him well. 

And be sure to bravely ask the other person if they have suicidal thoughts?Have you ever thought about lying down and never getting up? 

If the person expresses suicidal intent, ask him the following questions: 

Are you planning how to end your life?Have you ever thought about falling asleep and not getting up?Have you ever thought about suicide? 

If the other party has a suicide plan such as buying a gun or drugs, the crisis situation will deepen, and the family must be notified. 

And encourage him and accompany him to find professional help such as pastor, family doctor and psychological counseling.Furthermore, they may have to be sent to the hospital for treatment. 

Research tells us that we ask each other these questions will not lead to the other party committing suicide, but will help the other party to relieve their suicidal state of mind. This time, we have the opportunity to help them.At the end of the lecture, encouraging each listener to repeat the exercise to ask the above questions may help a person contemplating suicide to pull back from the precipice. 

“The thought of suicide is frightening, but we must discuss it as part of our daily lives.” (The New York Times).After listening to the lecture, the words in the Bible, Proverbs 24:11 "A man is dragged to death, you are to deliver. A man will be killed, you are to hinder." Deeply rooted in my heart.May we do everything in our power to save those souls who are struggling on the line of life and death.I also hope that more people will benefit greatly from this lecture.